Ah, the blessings of family get-togethers!
And the challenges of families getting together…
Handling Family During Holidays
Do you have a relative who you love and yet…they just cannot manage themselves through an entire holiday dinner without getting obnoxious about some topic or the other? The joys and frustrations of family during the holidays.
Unfortunately for homeschooled children and teens, these relatives can be trying! After all, many homeschoolers are being trained to have good manners, so they would not talk in rude or obnoxious ways at family gatherings. SO, what do you do to help your kids handle these situations in a gracious manner?
Here are a few tips I share with my clients (I work as a counselor) or that I have learned the hard way myself:
1) Discuss etiquette with the kids ahead of time.
If they are young, rehearse table manners, taking turns, and quiet voices. If they are older, empower them to impress the family with their chivalrous behavior (thus providing a good advertisement for homeschooling.)
One powerful way to help kids with etiquette is to give them concrete social skills that they can utilize at any time necessary. We 7Sisters have taught our kids 10 special skills that they will need throughout life (especially at large family get togethers) and share them in our Social Skills for Kids guide. Download it. You’ll be glad you did.
Also, check out this Homeschool Highschool Podcast episode on Holiday Social Skills.
2) Decide ahead of time what will be the “off-limits” topics of conversation.
You can discuss this with the extended family or just your immediate family. Then, if the conversation steers off-limits, you already know to jump in with, “Let’s get back to that another day… but I’d LOVE to hear about your trip to Bothaville.” (Get them talking about themselves- usually a great distraction.)
3) Decide ahead of time that if it doesn’t have eternal value, let it go.
Aunt Sally Sue criticizes the gravy lumps, Grandma Jones criticizes your haircut, Uncle Bob makes fun of homeschooling… Take a breath. You DON’T have to correct anyone’s bad manners. This can be a difficult one for teens (and adults). Listen to this episode of Homeschool Highschool Podcast for ideas to help.
4) Keep activities at hand.
Always a good idea for children or adults. Humans at loose ends are primed for irritating behavior. (Try crafts, games, hikes, or musical instruments.)
5) Coach yourself on good role modeling.
Keep your shoulders back, chin up just a tad, smile… These are non-verbals that tell everyone that you are calm and collected. It helps set the tone for the day. Laugh often, encourage and compliment others as often as is honest. Pray.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are times of blessing and joy; of recalibrating and prayer. If you’d like a little encouragement in your prayer life, check out our Prayer Journals (prayer prompts and activities) and FREE Genesis 1 Study Guide and Carry Each Other’s Burdens (a guide on things that are truly helpful when a friend is in crisis).
Take a deep breath, you and your homeschoolers can do this! In the meantime, keep calm and homeschool on! While you are at it, take a look at all the ideas for homeschooling through the holidays in this post.
BTW- Keep some literature going at the holidays, if possible. Here are some ideas for handling literature with your homeschool high schoolers.
Also, check out this Homeschool Highschool Podcast episode with tips for helping teens stay in grace during holiday gatherings, even if there are challenging people there.
Want some more encouragement? Here is Sabrina’s vlog on Undirected Socialization!
Handling Family During Holidays
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Thank you — I’m reading this as we are heading out the door to our Thanksgiving gathering. I struggle each year with having a bit of grace in dealing with one person there. Your words helped me.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday!
If there’s anything that I’ve learned from past family gatherings, it’s keeping activities on hand. Having an assortment of board games for the kids is vital, but one of my coworkers from DISH pointed out that they’re not good for all age levels. I let the younger ones who just don’t have the attention span for board games use my iPad to watch all the On Demand content available for kids through my DISH Remote Access app. Not only is there a huge selection of kid friendly stuff for them to watch, but they get a kick out of watching on the smaller screen. With the kids entertained and occupied, it leaves a lot more time for us adults to catch up with one another.
You can also empower your children against the “nosy” people who try to pump them for information. A simple, “You’ll have to ask my mom about that” can redirect the curious, get your children out of the fire, and the chances are slim that they actually want to ask YOU.
Excellent tips, Vicki! I just finished listening to a series of teachings on handling “crazy-makers” who seem intent on stirring up conflict (from Saddleback church).
If your family has a crazy-maker (or two!) in it, you are teaching your kids super-important life skills when you help equip them before your family gathering. There will always be a variety of tense situations for us to handle in life, and tips like 2 & 3 above are so important for knowing how to be gracious but healthy in facing them.